she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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