my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
