nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
