I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
