I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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