i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a sexual gate keeper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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