Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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