either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
