U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
