She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
pray to the hookup gods
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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