I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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