so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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