I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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