we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
