Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
