So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
