he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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