Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
