I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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