you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
