I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
