Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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