GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
