In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
