i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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