I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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