I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
