don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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