This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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