my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
