I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
