when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
