the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
