It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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