im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
