Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
