I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
