i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
