Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
