My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
