The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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