Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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