Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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