I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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