I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
