It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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