my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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