you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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