he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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