Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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