I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
