Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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