just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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