Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
