Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
