i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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