he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
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This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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