my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
