I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
