Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize