She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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